One Way of Coping
by ethicsforsale
Summary: How far will Shizuru go to save Natsuki? Read and you shall see. Warning: general wackiness. Edited once for formatting phail.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Mai-HiME

A/N: A few things, really.

This is an AU. Most of the things that occured in Mai-HiME has not occurred here.

Also, this fic is not to be taken entirely seriously! It is a special concoction that should taste strongly of WTF-ness, and if it doesn't, well then you're reading it wrong.

Finally, I dedicate this to my friend, fellow writer, and constant source of inspiration, Berry-chan.

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Chapter One: In Which Mai is Slow on the Uptake

Mai stood in the corridor of the apartment complex with her hand poised to knock.

There she was, staring at the peephole for what had to have been ten, fifteen, twenty minutes. To a passerby, it would have seemed that she was patiently waiting for the door to close the six-inch gap between itself and her knuckles.

And honestly? She kind of was.

This was a conversation she was _not_ looking forward to having, but alas, she had no choice. She had a responsibility – no, a sacred obligation – as Natsuki's friend, to talk to her doting girlfriend, Shizuru.

But where would she even _start_?

_Kaichou-san, I'm very sorry, but something has happened, something bad- very, very, _very_ bad, and I mean epic, supernatural battle royale-level bad. Well maybe not _quite_ so bad, but it's bad. And I'm here because you need to know… how bad it is…_

No. She couldn't ramble on like a fifth grader at a time like this. For both Natsuki and Shizuru's sake, she needed to be strong. She needed to be someone the President could turn to in her time of need, someone made of iron and steel.

Mai straightened her posture, furrowed her eyebrows, and summoned her inner-Suzushiro.

_Bubuzuke! Quit daydreaming and sit down. I need to talk to you._

No. No no no. Just… no.

Mai shook away the horrifying thought of even having an inner-Suzushiro to begin with, and drew in a calming breath.

"Kaichou-san," she murmured quietly, "Natsuki is-"

She froze mid-sentence as the door swung open and she came face to face with the mildly startled Kaichou herself.

They blinked, simultaneously.

Shizuru was the first one to react.

"Ara, Mai-san," she greeted with a friendly smile. "What a pleasant surprise."

"K-Kaichou-san!" Mai stammered, awkwardly lowering her raised hand and stuffing it in her pocket. Her face was frozen in an impressively classic deer-in-headlights look. "Fancy seeing you here!"

Shizuru gave her a somewhat bemused look. "Mai-san is surprised to see me at my own apartment?"

"Yes," Mai blurted. Then flushed as she hurried to correct herself. "No! No, of course not. That… I was, coming to your apartment to see _you_… so I shouldn't, shouldn't be surprised."

Shizuru smiled gently, stepping away from the entrance to her apartment. "Do come in."

Mai stepped inside and let the door swing shut behind her.

"Would you care for a bit of tea?" the Kyoto girl asked.

"No, I think I'll be fine." Mai said, somewhat stiffly sitting down on the nearby sofa. "But thank you."

Shizuru glanced at her with an indecipherable twinkle in her eyes that made Mai even more uneasy than she already was. "Mai-san will let me know if she changes her mind?"

"O-of course."

"Now," the brunette gracefully sat down at the other end of the couch and fixed her attentive gaze on her underclassman. "What seems to be the matter?"

"Matter?" Mai replied nonchalantly, her voice coming out in a register half an octave higher than her usual tone. "Nothing. Nothing at all. What makes you think anything would be the matter?"

Shizuru raised an eyebrow, and after a moment, Mai deflated.

"It's about Natsuki."

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"…so then she decided to step on the random red button anyway," Shizuru recapitulated.

Mai nodded.

" And then an elevator fell on top of her."

Mai nodded again.

"While you were all standing in the middle of a football field."

"It was a yellow elevator," Mai explained.

"And now she's dead."

There was a five-second pause, before Mai nodded again. She subconsciously sucked in a breath, prepared to close the distance between herself and the other girl, and calm her down if need be.

Shizuru turned her head slightly to gaze out of the nearby window. "I see," she said.

Mai waited tensely for another reaction and was shocked to find none forthcoming. "You… see?"

The brunette glanced at her, as if it was the expected response when the love of one's life has passed away. "Yes," she said, matter-of-factly. "I see."

Mai's mouth opened and closed soundlessly a few times.

"Was there anything else you wanted to see me about?" Shizuru asked pleasantly.

"N-no, nothing else," Mai answered, somewhat stupefied at the other girl's blithe demeanor.

The brunette gave her a small smile. "Well then, thank you for letting me know."

"Of course."

A pregnant silence filled the room before the redhead stood, and gestured toward the door with a jerk of her head. "I should… probably get going then."

"Ara, are you sure?" Shizuru said, standing up herself. "You could stay for longer if you'd like. The offer for tea still stands."

"No, I really should be going," Mai slowly headed for the door, her wide eyes trained on the brunette as if she didn't even recognize her. "I've got more people I need to tell, and Mikoto is at home waiting for me to cook dinner."

"Alright then," the Kyoto girl reached over and opened the door for her. "I shall see you soon, hopefully."

"See ya," Mai muttered weakly, utterly bewildered as she stepped out into the corridor. Shizuru gave her a last friendly wave before shutting the door.

It took the stunned redhead a few seconds to turn and walk away.

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A few minutes later, she dashed right back, shoved open the door, and peeked her head in. "Kaichou-san!"

Shizuru turned to look at her from where she stood in front of the kitchen counter. There was a tall glass of water in front of her, and what seemed to be a large handful of pills in her hand.

She smiled sweetly. "Yes, Mai-san?"

Mai gave her a concerned look. "Will you be okay?"

"Ara, of course I will," the brunette said reassuringly. "But Mai-san is sweet to worry about my well-being."

Mai stared at her for a second or two, before nodding. "Okay." She felt a bit silly for having run back to the brunette's place at all. Of course Shizuru would be okay; she was Shizuru! Terrible decisions during moments of despair _sooo_ weren't her thing.

"Well," she waved awkwardly, "bye again."

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It wasn't until later in the evening that something clicked in the back of Mai's mind.

_Pills?_

But by the time she found Shizuru lying peacefully in her bed, the brunette had already been comatose for hours. A panicked phone call and five minutes later, the Kyoto girl was whisked off to the nearest ER.

The redhead paced in the waiting room for a good two hours, wringing her hands, consumed with guilt for not having prevented this. Only when she had calmed down did she wonder at the small hint of a smile she'd seen on the mysterious brunette's face as she rode with her to the hospital.

She found it strange, in a situation like this, that the President's sleeping face had been comforting to her.

Little did she know, Shizuru Fujino had a plan.

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Somewhere in the dark, fiery caverns of of Hell, the Devil was sprawled across her throne with an almost serene look on her face.

"I'm bored," she complained with a soft pout, idly picking her long, black nails with a sharp knife.

A fearful pause descended upon the room, with only the distant cries of tortured souls to fill the tense silence.

"I said I'm BORED!!!" she roared, flinging the knife away with a grimace of sheer rage. She smirked with satisfaction as it buried itself into the chest of Minion #764 with a juicy squelch. He fell to the ground, clutching his fatal wound as blood seeped out from between his fingers. Soon, his movements ceased altogether.

The gathered court watched as two stony-faced guards wordlessly dragged away his corpse.

Minion #57 stepped forward meekly. "Your Unholiness, there's a thing about limpets on the Discovery Channel that might–"

"Shut up," she groused, waving a hand at him and watching emotionlessly as he burst into flames and burned until he was nothing more than a lump of charred flesh. "I hate limpets almost as much as I hate idiots like you."

With another wave, her knife was back in her hand, and she continued to fidget with it.

"I'd always dreamed about becoming the Princess of Darkness, you know?" she mused quietly, digging the tip of the knife into her palm and pushing until the blade emerged on the other side of her hand. "It was so powerful, so prestigious, so… delightfully vile."

"I'd yearned for it with my soul," she continued, gesturing conversationally with her impaled hand as she spoke. "It was my destiny. It would fulfill me. Broaden my horizons. Keep me interested."

"And now that I'm here, I've been so painfully disillusioned." She let out a wistful sigh, and slowly removed the knife, staring as the slit in her pale flesh closed and smoothened.

"Do you know what it's like to be betrayed by your dreams?" she asked softly, sounding, for a moment, like a lost little girl. The gathering held their collective breath, and she could practically smell their fear.

Her uneven hair fell across part of her face in an image of artistic tragedy. But then she flicked it away to reveal a maniacal grin.

"Number two hundred and forty-nine!" she snapped.

A good five seconds passed before a timid voice spoke up from the back of the hall.

"Y-yes, Your Unholiness?"

"Come out so I can see you," she requested in a sweet voice.

A thin, trembling figure made his way to the center of the floor. He was about to kneel before his Mistress when she spoke up again.

"Keep on walking," she met his eyes and smiled. "I'm not going to bite."

He swallowed hard and took a few steps forward before fearfully slowing down.

"Did I say you could stop?" she demanded.

"N-no Mistress," he stammered, and continued to approach the front of the room.

The word to halt finally came when he was about three feet in front of the throne. Minion #249 collapsed into a kneeling position.

The Devil swung her leather-clad legs off from the arm of her seat and turned to sit in it properly. Her heeled boots hit the floor with a clunk, and she leaned forward with her chin on her hand to look the man squarely in the eyes.

His face was covered in a layer of perspiration, and his expression was one of utter dread.

"I'm bored," she sighed, twirling her knife between her fingers and looking at him sorrowfully.

"What do you think I should do?"

As her eyes bore into his, a dark, suspiciously pungent patch started spreading from the seat of his trousers. His mouth moved a few times but no words came out.

"WELL?" she barked, the single syllable loudly echoing in the hollow chamber. Quite a few minions winced on the man's behalf.

"I-I don't know, Y-your Unholiness," he stammered.

The Devil was about to speak again, when a resounding knock sounded on the gates. Her mouth closed with a snap, and a brief glimmer of curiosity flickered in her cold gray eyes.

"Now who could that be?"

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A/N: Love this? Hate this? Got any comments or ideas? Lemme know by leaving a review.


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